I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
