drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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