Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
