I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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