Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
God, I missed his penis.
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