You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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