You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
