I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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