My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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