Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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