dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
