The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
