So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
