Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
