There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
