Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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