Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
