It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
