All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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