You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
