I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
