Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
