I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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