i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
