Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
