She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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