My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
