I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
