It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
