my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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