she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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