Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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