Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
