Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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