GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
