Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
