Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
