im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
