I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
