You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
