I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
