Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
