When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My butt remains clenched, sir.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
