I'm so fucking centered right now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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