return my video game
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
