fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
