the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
