All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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