She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
