I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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