I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
