he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
