She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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