Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
