Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
