"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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