Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
