She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
