If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
