counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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