I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
